the beginning

My senior year of high school, I had the same thought process that many 17 year-olds have: "What am I going to do with the rest of my life?!? I have to know right now."

So I prayed about my life and assumed that God would work it out. I didn't really expect Him to answer my questions, I more thought that my life would somehow turn out the right way because I prayed about it ahead of time.

Well, I was sitting in my room one night, having devotional time before I went to sleep. I had been reading a book that was a collection of missionary stories, and this night, I had the sudden understanding that before I got to the end of the book I would know what I needed to do with my life. It was just a simple thought, but it came with surprising clarity. I quickly became excited, nervous, and expectant. I was about three quarters of the way through the book and the last 50 pages or so seemed to fly by. I read quickly, pausing at every story, wondering which one would hold the key to unlocking my destiny.

Nothing stood out at all.

I finished the book, and undeterred, I turned back to the beginning, reading the introduction that I had originally skipped.

Nothing.

I'm beginning to get a little worried. I hastily flipped to the end of the book, searching for the epilogue. I read quickly, coming to a stop on the last page, where I saw this reference...

Jeremiah 1:5

Now I'm reaching for my Bible... waiting for the "life-changing" verse... and then I read:

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." 

I love it when God speaks because only He can take a simple phrase and change your entire life. I knew in that moment that I was called to be in full-time ministry, and I could never have a "normal" life. I knew He was asking me to be a missionary. I knew He was asking me to follow Him to the ends of the earth and back again. I knew that He saw all my questions and had very real answers. I knew that I was terrified.

My response went something like this:
"God, no! I cannot be a missionary. I have no idea what to do or how to do it. I can't do this and I don't want too......" and I continued ranting...

I'm very glad He's patient. VERY glad.

His response was much briefer:
"Keep reading."

and so I read on....

"Alas, Sovereign LORD,” I (Jeremiah/me)said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.” (at this point, I'm in full agreement) But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ (and snap... I just got called out) You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD. Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.”

And what do you say after God says that to you??
Hopefully, not much. Actually, hopefully nothing, other than "yes."  So that's what I said. "Yes, God." Yes, I will go wherever you send me and say whatever you command me. Yes, I will give up my own plans and live by yours. Yes, I will be obedient, not loving my own life, but loving You.

So here I am 6 years later, and I just want to wake up everyday and say yes to everything God asks of me. I think that my favorite part is the dream I have of a day to come when I will stand before the throne and present to the Lamb a lifetime of saying "yes" in the smallest moments. He became a faithful witness so I could be one too.